Black and White Styles in Conflict

Black

White

Argument can have two functions: to ventilate anger, or to debate a difference of opinion.

Argument functions to ventilate anger and hostility

In an argument for persuasion, Blacks are more likely to assume a challenging stance. They are contenders, testing one another dynamically. An aggrieved party is naturally expected to express anger and hostility. 38

If someone expresses strong feelings and dynamic opposition, whites take it as a prelude to the venting of anger and hostility.

They take "the orator's stance" of passionate involvement and argument with an adversary. 21 "Sometimes being neutral is looked upon with disdain." 21 "Blacks do not believe that emotions interfere with their capacity to reason." 38 It's OK for emotions to be powerful powerful as long as they are real. 111

Consider that reason and emotion work against one another. Take an impersonal, objective approach to ideas. Detached.

"Regard white efforts to get them to set aside feelings as unrealistic, illogical, and politically devious." 38

Try to get blacks to set aside feelings and talk "rationally" about differences.

Consider confrontation a way to work out differences. Expect one view to be modified as a result of a successful challenge.

Equate confrontation with conflict and hardening of opposition, and avoid it.

Confrontation signifies caring about something. "When blacks are working hard to keep cool, it signals that the chasm between them is getting wider, not smaller." 20

"Whites invariably interpret black anger and verbal aggressiveness as more provocative and threatening than do blacks." 44

"Often accuse whites of being insincere" or "fronting." 22

Accuse blacks of being hostile and confrontational.

Probe to find out where a person is coming from in a discussion. 23

Value their privacy; consider probing an intrusion. Express ideas separate from their own personal involvement.

The object is to outthink, outtalk, and outstyle your opponent.

The object is to have all sides heard fairly.

Taking Turns

Speak in the discussion whenever you feel moved to do so.

Raise your hand and wait your turn. Be patient.

Competitive turn taking, but with short statements.

Often find their turns preempted by blacks

Often consider whites "hogging the floor" by talking too long without letting them interact with the thought.

Often consider that blacks interrupt or break in line to speak, are not considerate.

Rule: If you disagree with the view being expressed, speak up. Blacks have an "impulse toward truth" that works out in the interchange. 29

"Black culture allows its members considerably greater freedom to assert and express themselves than does white culture." Values individually regulated self-assertion & spontaneous expression of feeling. 29

Value self-restraint. Social conventions enforce restraint.

Values showing off--stylin' out, showboating, grandstanding.

Value restraint of feeling, understatement, modesty.

Can handle intense emotional energy of interaction easily.

Handle intense energy and feeling with difficulty.

Worry that blacks cannot sustain such intense levels of interaction without losing self-control (as whites might)

Don't disagree with one another in front of whites. Present a united front.

Feel this united front to be deliberate harrassment. 33

Can consider whites concealed or devious. Appreciate the public admission of something honest and personal, even an admission of racism. 32

Tend to be private about feelings.

"Blacks do not simply debate an idea; they debate the person debating the idea." 34

Debate the idea rather than the person. 34

Blacks allow for loud arguments, threats, insults, and challenges (woofing) without considering that fighting has begun.

Whites consider "fighting" to have started as soon as a loud argument begins.

Angry verbal disputes are often used as a way of releasing aggression without resorting to violence.

Angry verbal disputes are considered violent and leading to physical violence.

A threat is considered a style of one-upsmanship separate from physical attack, a way of obtaining respect and fear from others without fighting. Think of Muhammad Ali woofing Joe Frazier: an aura of danger and uncertainty, but no violence.

A threat is interpreted as a prelude to imminent attack.

"Whites do not engage in verbal insult as an extended activity." 56

Can manage higher levels of energy and anger without losing control. Have a high ability to withstand verbal abuse. 57

"When whites become angry and express anger, they have lost self-control. Others move in to control the situation." 51

Need to learn what effect their style of speech is likely to have on whites. 59

Need to learn not to make ambiguous moves (signaling violent action) during an argument with blacks. 60

White society "has moved in prematurely on blacks, acting repressively while claiming to be acting defensively." 61 What the average white considers "inflammable" or "inciteful" may be considered by blacks to be quite manageable. 62

Boasting is not to be taken seriously. It is a form of humor, of obvious exaggeration. A rap. A verbal entertainment. 63

White rule: don't boast unless you can make it good. 69 Negative attitude toward bragging. Restrict self-assertion generally. Easily consider black boasting immodest, unsportsmanlike, gloating.

Do not brag about possessions or children. 66

Contrast Jewish boasting of the achievements of children. 71

Low key references to status replace boasting. Neighborhood. Vacation home. Conspicuous consumption. 71

Customary for man to approach woman with sexual interest.

Respectable women are supposed to be offended by an approach that presumes sexual interest and availability. 75

Independence, aggressiveness, and sexual assertiveness are common to both males and females. 77

Women are expected to conceal their sexual interest.

Sexual rap to a woman is also a form of competition with other men.

"People who feel accused are guilty." "Only the truth hurts." 92 Leads to the strategy of "dropping remarks" to see if it gets a rise. 93

Innocent whites "issue a vigorous and defensive protest and denial" 93. Guilty whites are likely to be subdued and embarassed.

Blacks can make sweeping statements about whites without meaning them to apply to the whites present.

The whites present can react as if the statements apply to them personally. 91

Do not defend themselves against false accusations.

"Go off like a roman candle" when confronted with false accusations. 95 "Whites often see blacks as guilty when they are not." 85

Verbal insult game of "sounding:" to defend against an insult is to admit that it is true. 95 Offense is to be met with offense, not defense.

Offense is to be met with self-defense.

Generally guarded about their private lives. See probing as intrusive. Often respond with silence.

Asking for personal information is considered sociable, friendly.

Regard direct questions as confrontational, intrusive, and presumptuous. 99 Resist the vulnerability such questions require. 105

Regard direct questions as neutral.

Can avoid offensive directness by "signifying"--hinting, implying that you know something, being indirect. 99 Direct questions often mean something more: "Where did you get that jacket?" can mean "You have bad taste."

Whites can ask innocent questions that blacks hear as signifying (implying a criticism). 103

to "front someone off" is to "get an individual to divulge information that he would wish to keep private not only because it is personal, but also because it would be clearly embarassing." 101 "Loud-talking" is a method for fronting someone.

Census-takers have sometimes found blacks to be suspicious and uncooperative.

Argue

Discuss

boast

Understate

infuse with sexuality

defuse sexuality

loud, animated, vital talk

polite conversation

doing your thing within the group 112

isolated individuality

playing off one another; call and response. Responses are obligatory, feedback required. 111

Speak in order, listen in silence.

Whites don't respond, so blacks assume they are not listening.

Blacks respond, and whites feel blacks are constantly interrupting. 112

"Free to abandon themselves to the force of their feelings." 115 May agitate to increase level of emotional intensity and response. 116 Feelings seen as "primary and independent forces." 119

"Individuals should moderate the forcefulness of their behavior to the level that others can tolerate." 113 Don't hurt others' feelings.

Practice high levels of emotion often.

Have controls to restrain emotions, but none to manage them at a high level of expression. 114

Give priority to expression of feelings. Whites seen as controlling. Blacks do not consider their own sensibilities fragile. 124

Give priority to protection of sensibilities. Blacks seen as insensitive, inconsiderate.

Need to understand the effect loud expressions of emotion may have on whites.

Need to appreciate the effort blacks must make day to day in containing their emotions when working in a hostile environment, and understand how black culture facilitates the verbal release of this frustration. 125

If not asserting feelings: not yet comfortable in the situation.

If not asserting feelings: a normal cultural mode. 126

See whites as "forever demanding an apology over nothing." 126 Others' sensibilities should withstand another's forceful feelings.

"Whites consider an assault on the sensibilities of others a social offense."